it all triggered me in june.. the whole june holidays.. i was a third eye. i see, saw what xav was doing.. with daredi n darlingg at hm, i was much free-er to do my own stuffs. thus i was able to 'see' xav frm a diff mind.
during the whole june holidays his entertainment activities was so occupied, due to the sg 43intl'bowling at occ we went there 6days a week.. twice a week he'll be in the kids gym climbing n playing having fun. else he'll be at the alley.night time we'll dine out, go out shopping ..
Xav activities in june:
- TheWiggles live in concert
- played bowling @ OCC with the bumpers
- Lil O'Zone @ OCC
- Peek'a'Boo @ KallangLeisure
- Escape themepark
- Yishun library
at times i wonder if im the lazy one, or i dunno hw to teach. i wonder how i can do better as a mummy, how can i coach him well.. y others can do so well i fail.
my new plans came into action when i nita mk payments for 2011 fees. than i thought to myself, if i were to pay 2011 fees, if i were to put him in childcare by than my deposit will be gone. if i dun pay, n in the end i dun put him in childcare (which is i dont go to work) he'll nt hv a place to study at pap. i was in total dilemma. goodness..
i finally cleared my doubt after so long, i always thought if kids in childcare is in K1 will the childcare teach what they're supposed to learn and know like in PAP, and the answer is yes, i called up a centre that day and was briefed about it..
Current plan 1:
let Xav finish july in PAP, enroll him in JusKids starting Aug, monitor him for 2weeks, first week ill be there n job hunting, 2nd week interview, 3rd week start working.
plan 2:
hold everything back till dec than enroll him in childcare, than i work in jan..
seriously speaking,
i wil be gg too hard on xav.. & myself. the thought of not seeing him fer the whole dae pains me.. thou i see him too much now, but smhw when i tink that i will leave him in the childcare n wrk just to let him detach from me.. i feel like crying.
i'm sucha crybaby...
i even thought of option 3:
let him attend full day childcare, i work parttime just at the clinic nearby.. than the rest of the time devote to taobao.
if i were to go to work, my timing i guess shall be
- wake @ 6, bathe prepare, wake xav
- 7 drop him off at the centre, rush to work
- wrkwrkwrkwrkwrk till 5+
- pick xav by 7pm.. dinner with him
- back home ..
darlingg was against the idea of me wrking .. bt nw he changed his views. hopefully he wont change his mind again. =)
i promise nothing will change even when i work. . .
你要对我有信心，也对你自己有信心。
我这么做，全都是为了臭臭好。。
你明白我的苦心吗?
thou being too attached to me isnt a bad thing after all, but i feel xav isnt learning enf with me.. i feel like a lousy mum. i tell myself, 4years, what have i done? nothing..... i cant even keep the floor tidy for 2days. 1day i pack, the other day ill leave them around.
the thought of going to work i have to see ppl face, endure ppl nonsense im so afraid i cant curb my temper.. i really must 学会去控制脾气..
how i wish someone will guide me tell me what to do, i really duno what i want, i nit that someone to talk to me.. haven gt a certain n definate heart. my thought have been swivering since noon.
Jo objects to me working, she called bk frm bkk just to tell me to think carefully.
another thing that troubles me is i got no experience at all.. ive been a homemaker for 5years im totally detached frm the society. i dun even know how to match a decent top n pants.. im still the shortpants n tee girl in the past just that now ive upgraded to the shortpants n tee aunty.
tell me tell me~~~~~ is there a better option for me?
我这样做，真的会为我们的未来好吗？
